Is this the end of it?
Tuesday, October 7th, 2008
The Sadness is all I have now
Dear,
I was in total despair, haunting in the dark and sick. I still can’t believe myself, for someone that I truly cherish and love, the one and only in my life “tergamak” to do something beyond my expectation. We have been together for almost 2 years, 2 years of ups and downs, which I’m optimisticly believe it is an essence in life.
I have been accused all this while as someone who did not appreciate love, always keeps secret which leads to dishonesty, and my past bad experience has been used as a statement to bring my feet back to ground. I endure all this, I take this positively for me to grow stronger and wiser. Which I still hold one and the only precious thing that holds out relationship till yesterday, the essence of my trust, believe and love. I always believe my love of mylife despite what has been done, unfortunately yesterday it has been broken into pieces.
How can I move on or accept you back dear when the only thing that hold us together has been crushed? You told me not keep secret and be honest, However you have been keeping the darkest secret for the past 6 months ago as per what you told me? And we just came back from our journey last weekend and you managed to behave like nothing happened? Why? Why?
You know everytime we have been enduring hard times and everytime you challenge me to have a break, I will stand back and hold things back together as a proof I believe in our relationship. As I believe you did the same to grab us together. However beside this, you have been keeping that secret from me and you just told me the reason why you did it because to was stressed and angry towards me at that time. Have I done the same when I was in you condition dear? Have I? I decided to leave my circle of friends, social life just to spend more time with you and to avoid unnecessary jealousy. Even though I have been accused for having an affair with my close friend, which has makes me in sadness for ages.
Now you have asked for my forgiveness and you told me not to leave you alone, and repeated told me to give you chance. My answer is I do not know, I just woke up in confusion and I do not know what should I do? The person I love, trust and respect has killed the last pigeon that I have.
I do not know what should I do. I do not know whom to believe. I regret with my life now.
You know you have been given till this Satuday (11th October 2008) by 6.00 pm to look for me. You told me you always remember our wonderful moments. We have crafted our name in several places. If we are destined together you know where to find me. If by that time you did not appeared, it will be considered we are no longer meant to be together. Thank you for everything dear. You are my sweetest memories and yet the darkest nightmare I’ve had.
Sometimes people says “To turn a new page in life is to get back to where it is all begun” and malay proverb “Tersesat Jalan, Pulang Ke Pangkal Jalan - If you have lost, it is best to return to where it started”.
I’m not sure if you can find that road again. A poem by Robert Frost, published in 1916, “The road not taken”
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
I’m sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Regards,
LUN MUVEM
