@miRuLez the SwEetNeSs of LiFe

Anyone please tell me, how is it being unsecured???? You trust people but people never trust you???? You are struggling in the path to become someone to be loved but yet your struggle ends up to become worthless???? What am I??? a toy? plushie? or punch bag?? Am I a "thing" instead of human who has no feelings at all?? Why am I being treated this way?? Is it just because the thing called trust? There are so many ways to define trust, but then I have been victimised with this. Victim of trust. If this is what it means by trust, I prefer to live alone and it better for me not to trust anyone, anymore. It is too much. too much for me now. I have given out what I can. Rely on you. I guess I rely too much until now I do not know what I’m doing. I guess I was wrong. Relying to humans does not give me anything. I shold have rely more to god. God will never abandoned me and HE will always listen to my heart, my prayer and my cry. I will not cry anymore for human beings. My tears only for god who knows more what’s hidden in me.

I am so STRESSED and I am teribbly SAD. but no one cares even the on I loved. I hope i have already fulfill your needs. Once your needs is fulfilled up to you if you wanted to leave me. I’ll stay here. I will never put a hope to be loved by creatures named human anymore. It’s all lies. Love is a Lie. Unless someone can really prove and tell me what is love all about. I do not know what is it or how is it now. I am clueless, stupid now. a pure stupidity comes upon me.

I have no place to express my feelings, i guess here is fair enough. I hope that I was never borned.

@miRuLez…..

now 3.40am, and I”m here in my office. well will be working graveyard shift till 7/10/2007. There’s a lot of happening lately. I’m really stressed up with my work. The odd hours working really turn me down. Pity me, prior to this situation, my relationship becomes a bit complicated and a bit rocky these few weeks. Sigh. I know, stress is not healthy especially when relates to relationship. I’m praying my love would understand me and be patience as currently I’m waiting for other employer to confirm my position.

Yesterday I went to an interview for a new job which I’m positive it will bring brighter future for me as I can see the career path. Still the same in Banking industry, only different position. I’m doing all this due to 2 factors:

1. For my love and life

2. For my study

I have to make sacrifice in order to achieve my goal. Life must go on. Serously I cannot stand it since lately almost everytime when my love and me had a conversation on the phone, we always quarrel due to my stressful condition. hours and hours, and hundreds of ringgit spent on the phone not to talk about something nice and romantic like last time, but mostly quarrelling even on a small issue. Sounds ridiculous right? but that is what happened now which makes me even stressful and sad. I do not know how to express my feeling to my love since both of us have our problems. So I hope this blog can help me to release all that been keeping in me.

I am now changing to another person. I have make a promis to myself to become someone new. I want to create a better and great life. I want to forget about my past which is truly troublesome. It is not easy for me to forget someone that I truly love before who has left this world. But hey, life must go on. I’m still breathing and my storyline does not reach the end yet. the next page still empty and it’s the time for me to pick up the pen and start writing a new scene in my life story.

The reason being why i’m hunting for better career is to make sure I am able to allocate time for my study and more importantly for my love one. Working in shift really troubles us. I’m getting stressed and unfortunately my stress always being thrown to my couple. The thing is I do not know where to release it. Day by day it’s keep on adding up until to the extend now like a sleeping volcano waiting to erupt.

I hope my love one will understand me and give me some time to re-organize my life again for us. let’s pray my plan works.  Remember this, even anger reflected on my face, deep in my heart I will always love you as much as you do. I never have a grunge againts you.

Take care minna… @miRuLez