Sadness - Sorrow - Grief
today is the most saddest day in my life. Due to my selfishness and foolishness, I almost lost my pearl of life. I have no intentions to get into this mess. But it happens due to I’m over protective to myself. Prior to this I have been labeled as a big liar, and all. It’s ok, the blame is mine.
This is what actually happened.
I known this person from a personal site. The intentions just to be friends, not more than that. Since we talk a lot about our career and stuff. Even discuss about our love ones. I never thought into extend that it will lead to something else. I almost trapped on the trap that I build myself. I’m the one who choose that road. I glad that God protected me that nite.
My love’s curiosity and feelings was never wrong. predictions, thoughts and empathy always gets almost to the right point. called me to get explanations. Since this thing is a big impact to my love, it seems the trust is no longer at it’s place. I admit I’m losing. At first, to lesser the suffering on both side I thought to go to separate ways is the best option. But in the car, I can’t help myself to think how much happiness we have built. All the sadness, challenges, happy moments we went through together slap my face to look in the bright side. Thus I will not destroy it further even I have destroy my love’s feelings. Why should I destroy things further? when I can take my time to fix the crack on the building that we have built?
I should have listened to advise to stay away from the world that I’m not supposed to be. I never thought it will get to this extend. However my lust, desire and yes stubbornness overcome the practical and logical minds. As you can see I blame myself. Yes, I shouldn’t take the first move.
So basically, it is not easy to maintain a relationship rather than building or destroying it. I am aware with that. However I do not why, why I keep on repeating the same mistakes? It is because we are not meant to be together, or it’s just a test to see how far we can go from here. I am proud we are able to maintained our relationship up to day. It’s almost 6 months now with all the hassle and things. We make it till now. Right now I will follow what my heart says. I will not walk away. If I can fix it like before, why can’t I now? Maybe the difficulty level now is higher but it’s not impossible. I will do what I can to make it back to glory as before even if I have to drag my self.
Now I realize that love is not a toy to play with, and friendship is not something to be compromised. I will really be careful in choosing friends now. And be extra careful in taking their words. I will do what I can to set back the train on it’s track and amend the hole on the building crack. If you still think I’m not worth for your love… than I am a total failure. Don’t blame yourself or hurt yourself because of me. It is me who should do that.
sadness - sorrow - grief
…… @miRuLez ……..
