@miRuLez the SwEetNeSs of LiFe

Sorry didn’t mean to call you but i couldn’t fight it
I guess i was weak, couldn’t even hide it
And so i surrendered, just to hear your voice.

Don’t know how many times i said i’m gonna live without you,
And maybe someone else is standing there beside you,
But there’s something, baby you need to know.
That deep inside me, i feel like i’m dying. i have to see you, it’s all that i’m asking.

Vida, give me back my fantasy. the courage that i need to live,
The air that i breathe.
Cari?o mio, my world’s become so empty. the days are so cold and lonely
And each night i taste the purest of pain.

Quisiera decirte que hoy estoy de maravilla
Que no me ha afectado lo de tu partida
Pero con un dedo no se tapa el sol.

Estoy muriendo, muriendo por verte. agonizando, muy lento y muy fuerte.

Vida, devuelveme mis fantasias, mis ganas de vivir la vida, devuelveme el aire.
Cari?o mio, sin tin yo me siento vacio, las tardes son un laberinto, las noches
Me saben, a puro dolor.

Vida, give me back my fantasy. the courage that i need to live,
The air that i breathe.
Cari?o mio, my world’s become so empty. the days are so cold and lonely
And each night i taste the purest of pain.

I’m sorry i didn’t mean to call you but i couldn’t fight it.
I guess i was weak, couldn’t even hide it
And so i surrendered just to hear your voice.

today is sunday.. and while others are still in bed enjoying the sunday sunshine from their windows, I woke up as early as 5am to get ready for work. Well working in a multinational company that use Malaysia as a hub, indeed requires us here to work 24/7 on shift basis. Well the shift allowance was superb though.

Now I’m living back with my family in sg buloh. From now on, the toll is almost RM10 a day and petrol almost RM250 per month. Imagine how much do I spent for those. While the allowance for my travel only enough to cover my toll only. Sigh.. money so scarce today. Well since I live with my parents again, we can try to share the resources that we have. I admit it lessen a bit the burden. Only I’ll be more occupied my time.

I am considering still either to get a scooter.. (huhu nak jadi mamat skuter plak) to travel to work. So pity my car, have to travel long distance everyday. SgBlh to CyJaya. But hehe Í hope I can get my new gen2 soon, since I lived in SgBlh, savvy too small for my mom to bring her for a spin.

Well still in the office, not much to do today since it’s sunday. So I just finishing all the remaining leftover work from yesterday. So cold here..

Hurmm about what happened yesterday. Was trying my best to contained my feelings. I just simply keep it closely inside. I hope that I can solve it soon. It is about me anyway. The blame is mine. So let me live with it.

Well need to resume my work. After some discussion with my manager. ^_^ Happy weekends to all

today is the most saddest day in my life. Due to my selfishness and foolishness, I almost lost my pearl of life. I have no intentions to get into this mess. But it happens due to I’m over protective to myself. Prior to this I have been labeled as a big liar, and all. It’s ok, the blame is mine.

This is what actually happened.
I known this person from a personal site. The intentions just to be friends, not more than that. Since we talk a lot about our career and stuff. Even discuss about our love ones. I never thought into extend that it will lead to something else. I almost trapped on the trap that I build myself. I’m the one who choose that road. I glad that God protected me that nite.

My love’s curiosity and feelings was never wrong. predictions, thoughts and empathy always gets almost to the right point. called me to get explanations. Since this thing is a big impact to my love, it seems the trust is no longer at it’s place. I admit I’m losing. At first, to lesser the suffering on both side I thought to go to separate ways is the best option. But in the car, I can’t help myself to think how much happiness we have built. All the sadness, challenges, happy moments we went through together slap my face to look in the bright side. Thus I will not destroy it further even I have destroy my love’s feelings. Why should I destroy things further? when I can take my time to fix the crack on the building that we have built?

I should have listened to advise to stay away from the world that I’m not supposed to be. I never thought it will get to this extend. However my lust, desire and yes stubbornness overcome the practical and logical minds. As you can see I blame myself. Yes, I shouldn’t take the first move.

So basically, it is not easy to maintain a relationship rather than building or destroying it. I am aware with that. However I do not why, why I keep on repeating the same mistakes? It is because we are not meant to be together, or it’s just a test to see how far we can go from here. I am proud we are able to maintained our relationship up to day. It’s almost 6 months now with all the hassle and things. We make it till now. Right now I will follow what my heart says. I will not walk away. If I can fix it like before, why can’t I now? Maybe the difficulty level now is higher but it’s not impossible. I will do what I can to make it back to glory as before even if I have to drag my self.

Now I realize that love is not a toy to play with, and friendship is not something to be compromised. I will really be careful in choosing friends now. And be extra careful in taking their words. I will do what I can to set back the train on it’s track and amend the hole on the building crack. If you still think I’m not worth for your love… than I am a total failure. Don’t blame yourself or hurt yourself because of me. It is me who should do that.

sadness - sorrow - grief
…… @miRuLez ……..